What Does It Mean to Accept Everything As It Is?
Accepting what is doesn’t come naturally to us, at least not in our modern society. We’re trained to push away unpleasant thoughts and events, to take immediate action, and to fight back.
When you accept what is, you take a moment to just let things be instead of trying to change them or push back against them, even if it’s just in your mind.
For instance, let’s say you’re a pet owner and your cat or dog takes ill. Your mind likely races ahead to all the things that could go wrong, but may also actively push against the idea that your furry friend might need surgery or be terminally ill. There might even be a feeling of physical resistance in the body, perhaps in your chest or stomach.
If you were to accept everything as it is, you’d actively allow yourself to stop projecting into the future and just be with your unpleasant feelings. You might say something like, “Pookie is sick and I am going to accept that. I hate it, I’m afraid, but in this moment, I can allow that to be.”
Why Bother Trying to Accept Things As They Are?
To put it simply, when you push back against reality, you lose. You create so much more suffering for yourself and others when you don’t let people and circumstances be what they are.
Here’s another example from my own life. My daughter recently went back to her (part time, hippie, outdoor) school after being off for spring break. The next day the parent of another kid from school texted me to let me know her son was staying home with a scratchy throat and his older sister was down with a fever. As I thought about this, I started worrying about my daughter’s interactions with the other student, wondering if she was going to get sick, and I felt myself almost physically pushing back against the idea of that happening.
Luckily, though, I have the tools to accept situations, so I quickly ran through the exercise I describe later in this post. Soon I had come to terms with the idea that it was possible my daughter had been exposed to an illness, and even though it’s not something I want, I feel more aligned and relaxed when I let a situation be what it is instead of denying to myself it might happen.
The reason you choose to accept everything as it is is so you can live a more peaceful life, period.
An Exercise to Help With Acceptance
Listen to the video below or skip down to the instructions.
STEP ONE: COME INTO THE NOW
You can’t accept what’s happening if you’re stuck worrying about the future or thinking about the past, so come into the present moment. One of the easiest ways to do this is breathe in and out a few times, then close your eyes. Ask yourself how you know your hands are still there, or imagine your hands filled with space. Feel the energy in your hands. As long as you’re doing this, your mind isn’t wandering.
STEP TWO: SCAN FOR RESISTANCE
With your eyes closed, feel around in your body for areas that feel stressed or tensed, or simply acknowledge any thought or story that you’re resisting. Examples of resistant thoughts are:
- I can’t be laid off, I’ll never find another job!
- My parent isn’t allowed to have dementia, I can’t deal with that
- My son has to go to college, everyone in this family goes to college!
- It’s no okay for me to rest right now, I have to finish this
STEP THREE: BECOME THE OBSERVER OF THESE RESISTANT FEELINGS
These events may be impacting you and your life, but they are NOT you. You are the presence who is aware of these situations, but you are not the situations. Let yourself see that you are separate from whatever life circumstance is going on. Yes, even if you have an illness, you can (at least temporarily) be the watcher, be the one observing the fear or doubt, rather than being taken over by it.
STEP FOUR: SCAN FOR THE MOST PROMINENT FEELINGS OF RESISTANCE
As you become the watcher, you can pick out the thoughts or physical feelings that feel the most intense. These are likely the ones you are trying to resist.
STEP FIVE: SPEAK TO THE SCARED PARTS WITH COMPASSION
The only reason we resist anything is that we’re afraid. Afraid of losing a loved one, afraid of something unpleasant happening to our kid, afraid of what our lives would be like if they changed.
How would you speak to a child or puppy who was afraid? With kindness, compassion, and acceptance. You can do this out loud or in your head, but make sure you don’t skip this step, as it’s the most important.
Find those fear, resistant bits of you, and invite them in. Tell them it’s okay to be there. Say that you accept that they’re there. If you feel resistance to that idea, let the resistance in, too. This exercise is about complete acceptance of whatever is happening.
Things to Remember
Just because you’re accepting a situation doesn’t mean you’re doing nothing about it. If you were diagnosed with cancer, you’re not going to skip treatment, you’re simply accepting that this is happening and also accepting any fear or anxiety or dread you have.
It goes against our cultural teachings, but accepting that sometimes we’re scared or anxious or sad actually improves our lives. Give it a try next time you feel resistant to a situation in your own life.
Another great way to practice peace and acceptance is through creativity, and this simple therapeutic art exercise will get you started.