So you want to learn how to meditate?

I’m not gonna lie to you: It’s hard. Really hard.

The purpose of meditation is to slow down your mind, to disconnect from the incessant thoughts running through your head (many of which are just the same thing over and over and over), and to, well, feel better. At least that’s what the purpose of meditation is for me.

But it’s difficult to begin, and even more difficult to maintain it long term.

Why it’s Hard to Meditate

Your mind. It’s so, so helpful, isn’t it? It helps you remember to pick your kid up from school and tells you how to fold laundry. It lets you read these sentences and do well at your job.

But your mind is also an awful, terrible thing that never, ever shuts up. It creates problems all day long (“Why was she looking at me like that? Was it something I said?”) and won’t leave you alone.

Enter meditation, or at least attempting to learn to meditate.

I first tried to meditate over a decade ago. I’d heard about the benefits and wanted to give it a go. I can’t remember exactly what method I first tried, but it was probably something like following my breath or trying to let my thoughts pass by like clouds.

This did not work for me. At all. And this doesn’t work for lots of people, I’d wager.

Why? Because it doesn’t give your mind enough to do. NO ONE thinks they can meditate at first, because their minds just keep going and going and going. That’s totally normal.

How to Learn to Meditate

Ready? I’m going to tell you the secrets of how to learn to meditate:

#1 Give your mind something very clear and very specific to do.

I once read that meditating was like trying to take an elephant through a crowded open air market. The elephant will keep grabbing things with it’s snout and you’ll never get anywhere. In order to get it to stop picking up every apple or Buddha sculpture along the way, you need to give it something to hold. Your mind is the same way. You need to give it something to do!

You can pick a mantra and say it over and over. It can be a Sanskrit saying or just the phrase “thank you.” Anything you can concentrate on is just fine.

Or try a guided meditation, where someone’s voice takes you through the steps and keeps you on task (there’s a free one at the bottom of this post). There are tons of them available online, or you can check out the Calm App, which is a personal fave of mine. It includes different meditation music, a timer, and some guided meditations as well.

When you give your mind something shiny to play with, it’s much easier to learn how to meditate.

#2 Give yourself the space to learn. 

This means give yourself both physical and mental space. Don’t try to meditate in the living room while the TV is on and your husband is talking to you. Don’t try to meditate when you’re so incredibly pissed off that your hair feels like it’s on fire (at first, at least). Don’t sit down for a meditation session when you know your newborn is going to wake up at any moment.

Instead, pick a time that feels good for you, when you are generally calm and open. For me that’s right before bed, for you that might be first thing in the morning or on your lunch break.

You don’t need anything fancy to learn to meditate, just comfortable clothes, a place to sit (or lie down if you’re not worried about falling asleep), and space where you can be alone. (This class I teach on the subject can help, too.)

#3 Keep trying UNTIL IT STICKS.

Remember how I said I first tried just paying attention to my breath and it didn’t work at all? I’d give meditation a whirl here and there, but it didn’t stick until years and years later, because I kept trying to do it the “right” way, which was a way that didn’t work for me. The only reason I ultimately learned to meditate is that I kept trying and didn’t force myself to do it only one particular way.

If a guided meditation doesn’t work, try a walking meditation. If that doesn’t work, take a yoga class and see if it gets you out of your head. There are so many resources and ideas out there, there must be something that will eventually work for you.

If it’s important to you, do not give up. If you want that calm, centered feeling you know meditation can bring to your life, keep trying until you find something that works and then make it a daily ritual.

#4 Let it go if it’s not right for you. 

I know, I know, I’m supposed to be telling you how to learn to meditate, but…sometimes it’s not the right path, at least for right now. I’m a firm believer in things showing up at the right moment, so if practicing meditation is not aligned for you right now, don’t push it! In fact, you can even ask your inner voice if meditation is right for you or if something else would suit you better. And, shhh, don’t tell anyone, I only meditate when it feels right for me, I don’t obsess about doing it every day!

If you find yourself dreading your meditation time, hating every second of it, or are getting more value and joy out of something else, let meditation go for now. It will come back around if it’s right for you, I promise.

Exactly How I Meditate

Before I go to sleep, I get in a comfortable seated position. I close my eyes and focus on my inner body. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, guess what? I’ve got a free guided meditation for you that will teach you THE EXACT method I use! Grab it below.